


Don't Need Your Love Club - Recruiting Now! (Welcome, Huang Renjun)

by taelme



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, he just really likes art! and you lol, renjun is a soft art boy in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28526022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taelme/pseuds/taelme
Summary: Renjun was sure he was done giving his time to things as time-consuming and all-consuming as love. He figured he should devote more time to his art instead. You join the art club and show him that maybe, he can afford both.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Reader
Kudos: 25





	Don't Need Your Love Club - Recruiting Now! (Welcome, Huang Renjun)

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted from Tumblr @taelme 
> 
> hello! so this will be part 1/4 of the 00 line series based on DNYL, with Renjun's as the first instalment. enjoy!

Renjun could feel his head absolutely spinning as he tried again to turn himself around, squinting as he tried to aim his gun at a figure that was just barely peeking out from a wall a distance away, scrunching his eyes shut and opening them harshly as he let out another sigh.

He contemplated, just for a second, which was worse: the fact that he’d been spending more than 2 hours in a random empty classroom fixated on a phone game, or the fact that if he wasn’t doing that, he’d still have been on his phone, just that instead he would have been waiting for a _specific_ text from a _specific_ someone.

Finally having had enough, he set down his phone as his character had gotten killed, casting a pointed look at Jeno who was oblivious, still holding his phone close to his face as if it would help him transport himself into the game somehow.

"Jeno, this is like the hundredth time we're playing this mode already, mind taking a break? my club meeting starts in 10 minutes."

Jeno let out a loud sigh at his friend's whines, not bothering to hide his dismay.

Long hours of conditioning from playing in the dark on his bed was probably the reason for why the game navigation didn't seem to have much of an effect on Jeno's eyes now.

"I don't know why you're even rushing,” Jeno clucked his tongue in annoyance as he locked his phone, “you already know no one's actually gonna be there on time."

Setting his phone down on the smooth desktop, Renjun stood up to sling his backpack over his shoulder hastily, blinking harshly as he tried to recover from squinting at the screen for the past hour, ears falling deaf to Jeno's bitter pill of a comment.

"I'm the vice president, I have to set an example. And plus, it’s the first session of the new year, there’s gonna be new students joining." Renjun shot a pointed look at Jeno. Maybe it was because Jeno’s priorities and interests lay elsewhere, he could never understand how Renjun had the patience and passion for something like _art_.

“Just say you’re boring and go,” Jeno sighed, making Renjun scrunch his nose up with a little laugh, his lack of a protest indicating just how much he couldn’t argue with Jeno’s statement.

Renjun was just like that, he figured. When he found himself fascinated by something, he would want to invest as much of his energy and attention as he could into it, almost to the point of letting it consume him, not letting go unless he was forced to. He would want to know as much as he could about it, just to satisfy his own innate curiosity, from the ‘ _who’s_ to the ‘ _when’s_ to the ‘ _why’s_.

Art was one of those things for him. Renjun couldn’t remember when he’d fallen for it, remembering how drawn to it he’d felt even from a young age.

All he knew now was that he’d loved the feeling he got when he looked at the paint mixed messily in his palette and transferred onto a too-big canvas he got from a garage sale, the feeling of calm he would get when he was alone in the art studio, earbuds plugged in playing whatever pop song he was into those days, the comfort he felt when he let his pencil dance on the paper of his sketchbook without a single thought in mind.

It was something he could always return to, no matter how he was feeling. Renjun liked that. How no matter how many times he would return to it, there were only more things to discover, more ways to put his brush to his canvas, more things to love about it.

If that was what made him _boring_ , he was more than fine with that.

Shrugging, Jeno stood up as well, picking his things up a lot quicker than Renjun, who preferred to slot his belongings into his bag neatly. A part of him almost felt sorry for his friend, not being able to help himself from shaking his head at Renjun.

Jeno knew the real reason behind Renjun's sudden surge of free time to play games with Jeno (considering he would usually brush Jeno off when the latter proposed a round of battleground, claiming he was busy). As much as Renjun tried to play it off, Jeno wasn’t an idiot. He could tell when Renjun was feeling off, he was simply waiting for the boy to admit it himself.

"Are you heading home?" Renjun asked, letting Jeno walk him to the school's art studio, turning the corner to spot Chenle at the water cooler near the entrance of the school, waiting for Jeno.

"Nope," Jeno gestured to Chenle, who gave a small nod of greeting upon spotting the pair, "we're going to the computer café to practice.”

Renjun rolled his eyes, his sarcastic huff of 'practice? Sure' going ignored by Jeno.

Chenle jogged over, keychains on his (very expensive) bag bouncing noisily as he greeted Renjun with a wide smile, looking as though he was dying to say something but holding himself back just barely trying to keep it in.

"I'll be going now, bye Chenle," Renjun nodded his head, the two remaining boys watching with a strange sort of sympathy directed towards their friend.

"Any news about that girl?" Chenle blurted out once Renjun was out of earshot, though a part of him knew not to expect much from Jeno's reply.

Shaking his head, a grim expression on his face, Jeno recalled the last update Renjun had told him, which was that his senior had started their first year in university already, but hadn't contacted Renjun since she was 'busy'.

Chenle sucked in a sharp breath, grimacing at the implication.

"My theory is that he's living in denial until she tells him herself, but Renjun's not stupid. He knows," Jeno sighed, already walking out of the school grounds.

"I know he knows," he added as an afterthought.

"Whatever man, let's just focus on practicing. Pretty sure Renjun's fully capable of handling himself."

_He wasn't._ Renjun was a wreck, his leg bouncing uncontrollably as he listened to whatever the teacher-in-charge was saying now. Renjun knew he should have been listening, he wanted to, really. But he simply _couldn't_.

It wasn’t as if it was his fault, everything about the art studio seemed to remind him of her and the time they spent together in the room. He could practically feel himself tense at the sight of her name on the wall, their ex-president from last year’s graduating batch.

Even at the tiniest bit of light coming from his phone, Renjun couldn't help but divert his attention from whatever the teacher was telling the new students to look at his phone, expecting to see his senior's contact name above the incoming message, eventually turning his phone over because no, ma, I frankly can't think of dinner right now.

He'd been waiting a total of eight days for his senior to reply to his message asking how she was settling into uni.

“Did you hear me, Renjun?” Renjun felt somebody nudging his elbow roughly, dragging his gaze away from the table to come face to face with the teacher.

“Is it alright if you give the freshmen a little intro session today? I have a meeting to attend so I won’t be here for the whole session,” the teacher explained, and only then did Renjun notice the 3 new freshmen on the other side of the small circle of people.

Renjun nodded, a small sigh escaping his lips as his teacher clapped him on the back a little too harshly, thanking him quickly before leaving Renjun in charge of the handful of people in the circle, no more than 15 of them.

Pulling his cardigan tighter around himself, he glanced at outside the window, only realising now how the sky was visibly darker now, as if it were going to rain. Something about the atmosphere only seemed to darken, and he could only blame her. _Renjun usually welcomed the rain._

Han Jisung, a boy in Renjun’s class whose presence in the club Renjun couldn’t understand, even up until today (much less how he ended up as their president) had volunteered to lead the rest of the class to continue their pottery from the previous week, while Renjun used the smaller section of the room for the freshmen.

As for you, you weren’t sure what was happening ever since you entered the room because of how distracted you’d been by the brown haired boy in the corner of the room, with small elf-like features on slightly pale, post-staying-indoors-all-winter skin, but a very very zoned-out gaze. You heard from the girl next to you that he was the vice president of this club, and that he was really really good at drawing.

You told yourself you’d settle for admiring that senior from afar but that was proving to be very difficult for you right now, considering the fact that he was right in front of you. You fiddled with your tie as you glanced at the papers he held in his hands.

The boy used the papers to fan himself lightly (ironic when you were practically shivering from the cold gusts of pre-rain wind) before shooting a tight-lipped smile at you and the other 2 freshmen, gesturing to the empty chairs near you, “have a seat, make yourselves comfortable,” Renjun couldn’t help but laugh at the scared expression on your face, a big contrast to the other two freshmen who looked as though they couldn’t be arsed about what Renjun was about to tell them.

“Well, for starters,” he glanced at his phone again before setting it down on his lap almost reluctantly, “my name is Renjun, I’m the vice president of this club, was this club you guys’ first choice?”

You nodded eagerly, not noticing the way the two girls next to you had hesitated before shaking their heads no.

Renjun’s eyebrows raised, his lips forming a tiny thoughtful pout and you had to divert your gaze from him to keep yourself from smiling.

“Oh,” he said, letting out a small laugh out of surprise, nodding slowly, “okay...”

You were thankful the rain had started to get heavier so it gave you an excuse to look at something other than Renjun for the time being.

“Oh, right, sorry I forgot. Can I know what you guys’ names are?” there were soft murmurs of names and you joined in, your voice practically echoing in the classroom because of the sheer silence in the room, making you wince.

Renjun nodded, lifting up his phone to glance at the screen before setting it face-down again.

“Basically, in this club, we do a lot of different things ranging from pottery to charcoal drawings, like what the other members are doing now is pottery, but unfortunately, you guys probably won’t be able to do much of that because from next week onwards we’ll be preparing banners and posters to help the community service club promote for their annual sale on Valentine’s day,” he smiled again, nodding as if to confirm what he had just said to himself, his arms moving to hug his cardigan to his stomach.

“Is there a specific design for that?” you asked, earning a shake of the head from Renjun.

“We’re planning a meeting next week to try to brainstorm designs, but it’s not really part of club attendance.”

You heard the girl next to you snicker, telling the girl next to her, “Guess I won’t be coming, then,” and you couldn’t help the frown from your face.

“Other than that, this is just a warm up to get to know each other’s style of art, feel free to have fun with it. You guys can draw whatever you want.”

Renjun sat using his phone for the majority of the next half hour, the only time he wasn’t glaring at the screen being when he had picked up a phone call, speaking Chinese to who you assumed was his mother.

You weren’t the most creative person in the world, in fact, you joined the club more so because you’d wanted to gain experience in more than just sketching and painting, so it was safe to say you spent majority of that half hour staring outside the window trying to watch the rain fall and thinking about what to draw before you’d unconsciously started to trace Renjun’s sitting silhouette onto your paper, something about his demeanour drawing you in.

He looked anxious, almost, from the way he would keep crossing and uncrossing his legs, sighing every now and then as he lifted his phone up to check it, or even just the way he looked almost melancholic as the rain got heavier. You weren’t sure why, but he looked... disappointed. You couldn’t help yourself, soon enough getting a sketch of his position on the chair, not realizing he’d started to walk until you’d looked in his direction to get a reference and realized he wasn’t there anymore, but instead walking over to the girl next to you.

“So...this is nice.....what inspired you?” you stared down at your sketch, trying to use your pencil case to cover the fact that it was too similar to Renjun, the clothes itself and positioning of the chair giving it away, not to mention the details of the area he was sitting at that you’d included.

_Wasn’t this just a warm up exercise? Why was he asking questions?_

You awaited the response of the girl next to you, looking up to glance at what was taking her so long before you realized Renjun’s question was directed towards you.

“Me?” you gestured to yourself with the end of your pencil for good measure, as if that would make him admit that no, he wasn’t asking you.

Renjun’s eyebrows raised expectantly as he leaned over your desk, a hand supporting himself on the edge of the table, “Sorry, hope you don’t mind.”

Too busy staring at the curve of his nose, you hadn’t processed what he’d said until you saw his hand reaching over to nudge the pencil-case away from your drawing, staring intently at your sketch and nodding to himself.

“Hmm?” he turned his gaze to you, tilting his head as he awaited your answer. “What?”

“What inspired you?”

He talked as though he couldn’t very well tell that the drawing was of him.

“Correct me if i’m wrong... is this... me?”

Your eyes widened, your panic getting the better of you as you blurted, “Oh, no, yeah it’s just... uh you reminded me of my cat!”

Renjun’s smile grew, eyes widening with interest, “Oh, you have a cat?”

“...Yeah!” you didn’t.

“That’s Cool. It’s a really nice sketch by the way, good job,” he told you.

Letting out the breath you were holding, you had to control yourself from blushing at the thought of how he smiled at you even as they were dismissing the club members.

===

"I bet he’s already taken. Just look at him!"

Eyes widening in horror, you nudge your friend, sucking in a sharp breath as you try your best to silence her before you got caught gossiping.

The subject of your gossip was standing a few students away from you paying for the buns he bought with a soft smile directed towards the elderly woman running the shop, something about the sight enough to make you swoon. _Horrible, you were, really._

"Okay, okay! I get it, calm down,” you drew your gaze away from him, “I really doubt he does, though..." you trailed off, stepping up in the queue to pick the bread you'd wanted.

"No, no. Just listen, I swear, one of my friends was saying he was really close to this girl senior," your friend looked at you pointedly, almost sternly.

She tucked a stray strand of hair that fell out of her ponytail behind her ear. "There's no way nothing could have happened!"

You winced, sending a weak slap to her shoulder, "You’d might as well be telling this to Renjun himself. Would it kill you to be a little more discreet?"

You sighed, fishing in your wallet for coins and trying to resist the urge to look for where Renjun had disappeared into the crowd in case anyone noticed (not that they cared but you know, you can never be too safe when it comes to these things).

"Anyway, it's none of my business. If he's happy and attached, then... so be it." You shrugged, tilting your chin up in defiance, playing off your curiosity with as much nonchalance as you could muster.

Your friend and yourself had tried your best to squeeze through the crowd of students fighting to get the last pieces of buns that they wanted, walking through a group of girls who were having an intense discussion about who they think will buy them flowers for Valentine's day.

“I hope Na Jaemin runs the booth this year,” one of them gushed, earning a scoff from another one.

“Even if he was, you wouldn’t stand a chance with him, you know how he is.”

Frowning, you’d almost asked your friend about who this Jaemin person was when she’d interrupted you.

"Didn't you guys design the banners for the Valentine’s Day thing?" you shook your head, finally finding an empty spot at the benches next to the quad, sitting facing the green field.

You’d sat with your back against the table, taking a bite out of your bread and almost closing your eyes at the feeling of the warm sun on your skin, sighing as you opened your eyes groggily.

"Not yet. We’re supposed to meet today to design it," you murmured, your speech trailing off distractedly as your eyes scanned the other benches for any sign of Renjun.

At the sound of a loud commotion, you spotted Renjun and his group of friends seated at a bench across the quad.

Without even having to ask, your friend had started introducing them to you, though the more you heard, the more you couldn’t help but wince, something about them seeming like they were much better observed from afar.

You’d remembered seeing one of them as the MC for literally almost every school event you've been at since you entered the school. _Jeno Lee,_ admired by many for his boyish charm and athleticism, but rumours all said he wasn’t interested in dating, only having time for games and sports, he was just too nice that you’d never be able to tell until he rejected you.

The one sitting next to him was just as intimidating, deep brown hair and soft roundish features, he was loud and boisterous, with his own fan club that made an attendance at every one of his volleyball games that would practically curse you at the slightest mention of his name. According to your friend, his name was Lee Donghyuck. Though, thinking about it, if anything, his fanclub was probably the reason why nobody dared to pursue him, that and the fact that he seemed flighty (your friends words, not yours).

“Who’s that guy?” You gestured to the blonde haired boy, who wasn’t wearing the same uniform as the rest of them.

Your friend’s selective hearing seemed to get the better of them, “Jeno? The gamer cutie?” You rolled your eyes.

“No, the guy that isn’t wearing our uniform,” you nodded your head in their direction.

“I think he’s some kind of exchange student? You know? From the school in the UK that ours always partners with for Overseas Experience Programmes? ” You nodded your head slowly in understanding.

“Oh....cool,” you shrugged, not knowing what else to respond with your newfound information. “You know the one next to him? _That’s_ Na Jaemin.”

You winced. You couldn’t help yourself; it was as if their friend group was all made up of unattainable boys with bad track records for relationships. You could only wonder if Renjun’s history was just as fearsome.

Jeno had stood up abruptly, the bench screeching loudly as you quickly faced your friend and pretended she was saying something really interesting. All the while being able to feel Renjun and his friends’ presences slowly growing closer and closer to you.

“Hello? Are you even listening to me—”

You’d looked up at the wrong time, your friend stopping herself when she’d followed your gaze, making eye contact with Renjun as he was walking past. Strolling leisurely behind his friends, he’d taken the liberty of giving you a nod of greeting, a small murmur of, “see you at the next meeting,” flowing like honey from his lips, leaving you (and your friend) stunned speechless.

_It was embarrassing, really._

Once they walked off, you tried your best to shake the image of Renjun’s smile from your head, but it seemed your friend couldn’t either.

Once she had caught your eye and noticed the blush forming on your cheeks it had triggered her into a fit of arm flapping and squealing.

“I don’t even care if he has a girlfriend, that was so cute!” she gushed.

You sighed, nodding at her with wholehearted agreement, suddenly a lot more excited for the meeting to design the banner later.

===

Renjun was currently sitting in the empty art room, not very hopeful that other people were going to turn up to help him design the banner. Though this wasn’t something Renjun could say was uncommon, but he still couldn’t help but wish it wasn’t the case.

At least back then I had her to design these things with, now it’s just me. Renjun thought to himself. Curse Jaemin for guilting him into helping his stupid community service club design these stupid

posters for stupid Valentine’s day that stupid Renjun doesn't even want to celebrate this year.

Sending an overly excited-sounding text to the art club group chat, Renjun set his phone down with a small sigh. As he moved to prepare the paint and other art materials, he figured there was no point moping around about her when she wasn’t going to show up anytime soon.

Maybe it was just a sign to concentrate on what was before him (instead of what was less than 2 kilometers away attending an art course in the district’s university). In this case, that was his art.

Perhaps he spoke too soon.

At the sound of multiple dings on his phone, Renjun was beside himself as he scrambled to check if it was his senior, rolling his eyes when he saw that it was just a text from Jeno.

**Jeno**  
3:45pm **-pubg???? pls???? chenle is late >:(((( -** the message read, and as Renjun was replying a 'no, go and study' he'd seen 2 texts come in from an unknown number.

3:46pm **-hi!!-**  
3:46pm **-this is Y/N, just wanted to let you know i'm otw, since no one's replying in the group** -

_Oh. Cat girl._

Renjun didn’t know if he was glad that you were going to show up, or sad because it meant that he wasn’t allowed to mope on his own anymore. Maybe both. But whatever it was, he brushed it off quickly, telling himself over and over again in his head that the focus here was supposed to be on his art, the very thing that used to feel ‘healing’ to him, not on anything else.

Adjusting the hood of his jacket that was currently draped over his head, he typed out a short reply of acknowledgement before slumping back on the floor with a grunt, his back facing the door, plugging in his earpiece and beginning to brainstorm on his ipad.

You didn't realize that nobody took the art club seriously, (well, no one other than Renjun) so it was obvious that you were greeted with a shock when you opened the door and found no one there other than a slumped over figure in a hoodie.

“Hello? Is this the art club meeting?”

Even you sounded unsure, leaning out of the classroom to double check if this was the correct classroom according to what Renjun had sent in the group. _This was 03-01... maybe you were just early?_

Sensing no irregularities, you frowned, peeking your head into the room once more, “Hello? Uhh... excuse me?”

When you heard an annoyed click of the tongue, your eyes widened, realizing whoever the hooded person was, they were probably annoyed at your presence.

Quickly turning, you’d accidentally kneed the door in your haste, a small curse leaving you.

“Shit, sorry, must be the wrong room," you winced, rubbing your knee before you tried to make a move, not realizing Renjun had turned, removing his earpieces and tilting his head at your distress.

“Oh, you’re here!” his voice rang out through the empty room, waving at you as you stopped your actions, your hand on your knee and your eyes widened, a hum of surprise leaving you.

Letting out a small huff of laughter at your apparent mess of a state, a smile played at Renjun’s lips.

“Are you... okay?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, setting his carefully bundled up earpiece back into the front pocket of his bag.

Nodding, you began to limp towards him.

“Yeah, no, I just bumped my knee on the door a little hard just now,” you let out an embarrassed huff, feeling even more embarrassed when Renjun pressed his lips into a thin line, as if trying not to outrightly laugh at you.

Setting your backpack unceremoniously next to where his was, you decided to ask what had been on your mind since you’d opened the door.

“Is anyone else coming?”

Renjun pursed his lips, looking very much unaffected by the lack of art club members here, shrugging apathetically at you.

“Doubt so.”

All of it seemed pretty weird to you, how this guy was the vice president yet seemed so... unbothered about the state of the club meeting. You were sure if it were a community service club meeting, Na Jaemin wouldn’t have been as ‘kind’.

Your gaze wandered over to his tablet, watching him continue to fiddle around with the functions on the drawing app he was on, twirling the white stylus pen in his fingers before glancing up quickly, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Thanks, by the way, for coming... you know, even though you didn’t have to.” he told you, making you shake your head dismissively.

Yeah, because I thought it was compulsory.

Deciding against voicing out your immediate thought, you shook your head in dismissal, plastering a sweet smile on your face despite your confusion.

“It’s fine, I mean... I joined this club for a reason. I just... wasn’t expecting there to be so few- is it always like this?”

Renjun’s eyes widened at your sudden raise in volume, or maybe it was your question, you weren’t sure. Blankly staring at you before he nodded slowly, something in him suddenly seemed almost... _triggered_.

Renjun hummed, pressing and pursing his lips as he tried to voice his thoughts.

“It’s kind of...usually been me and this other senior? But after she left everyone just kind of left it to me to do,” he told you with a shrug, “which of course I don’t mind! I love doing stuff like this but it’s just...gets a little boring sometimes when you’re the only one doing it, you know?”

He was quick to assure you that it was fine for him to carry the club’s responsibilities (despite only being the vice president), though there was something about him that seemed almost... pitiful, as if it was more than just boredom that was making him look so reluctant to be here (as much as he tried to hide it).

“Well, at least you have me now, I can help you,” you grinned, glancing at the drawing on his ipad.

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted at your statement, trying to stop himself from questioning your sincerity as he nodded, giving you a small smile in appreciation, the tiniest of tension creeping into the silence that fell afterwards.

Spotting a banner design on his ipad, you pointed at it, the ‘valentines day’ scribbled on the banner haphazardly making you wonder if that was what he was busy with when you entered.

“Is that the confirmed design?”

Renjun shrugged, “I guess, unless you have anything you wanna change about it, here, have a look,” he pushed the ipad towards you on the floor, resting his weight on one of his arms as he leaned closer to you, the smell of his hoodie drawing you in—almost.

You quickly agreed to his design so you could get to work (and totally not because his proximity to you was getting slightly distracting). Letting him draft the design across the banner, you’d suggested cutting out letters to paste on the banner instead of painting them on, so you did exactly that, with Renjun playing music softly in the background as the both of you worked on the posters and banners.

You could almost laugh at the amount of breakup songs he was playing, it already being the second time ‘Fools’ had come on loop already, wondering if it was more of a cause for concern that he knew the lyrics to all of them (and even softly sang along).

“Does Valentine’s day have an apostrophe, s or an s, apostrophe?” you hummed, turning to Renjun for an answer, the music muffling his reply, making you think he replied with ‘s apostrophe’ so you went ahead with supergluing the letters to the banner, while Renjun painted the details on the banner, adding finishing touches after what felt like half an hour but was in actual fact 4 hours.

“Look, I’m done!” you grinned proudly at the banner, tapping Renjun’s arm to get his attention, once again wondering why he was taking so long to respond.

Turning to face him, you saw him with a small frown on his face, his closed fist covering his mouth as he turned to you, eyebrows raising in question.

“Why? Is it bad?” you frowned.

The smallest of sighs had left him, “Do me a favour and google Valentine’s day...”

You furrowed your eyebrows at the strange request, but did it anyway, only realizing when you opened it that you’d misspelled valentine’s day for literally everything on the banner. And it had to have shown up at least 3 times.

“Oh...” your expression was sheepish, the sheer size of each apostrophe on the banner adding to the hilarity of the situation.

You covered your face with your hands, a very embarrassed smile on your face as you gushed apologies to Renjun, who honestly looked as though he were thinking of how to salvage the banner.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I can fix it—”

You definitely weren’t expecting Renjun to burst into a fit of giggles, clutching his stomach as he dropped to his knees, leaving you standing there wide eyed, laughing out of embarrassment.

Frankly, Renjun had no idea why he was laughing so hard either, he figured it was all his pent up emotions. But now that he was laughing, he realised he kind of missed it, this feeling of laughing this hard over something this stupid, he was glad to have felt that again.

“That’s... ” he wheezed, groaning at how hard he was laughing, supporting himself on the table next to him as he tried to get back up off the floor.

“I’m really sorry, we could’ve finished it now but now we have to fix it and—”

Renjun shook his head with a hum, waving his hand at you dismissively as he calmed down from his outburst, shocking you with the hand that had grasped your forearm for stability as he let out his last sigh.

“Hey,” his gaze flickered momentarily to your arm, as if realising he was holding you and letting go almost immediately, “it’s fine, I can fix it. We only have to submit this before the end of the week. It’s pretty easy to cover up, don’t worry.”

Again, it was embarrassing how a simple smile from him did everything to reassure you.

“Besides,” he glanced at his watch, giving you a closed lipped smile, “It’s getting pretty dark already, wouldn’t want you getting home too late on a school day.”

“You sure?” you still asked even though his answer was pretty evident from the way he was already starting to pack up the poster and roll up the banner, picking up stray pieces of felt or paper to throw away.

“Here, lemme help you,” you offered, helping to carry one side of the banner, hearing a tiny murmur of ‘thanks’ from Renjun, helping him to shift it to one corner of the room, carefully arranging it so it wouldn’t get damaged so easily by other people that might use the room.

“But other than the valentine’s day issue,” he brought up once you were locking up the art room, earning a small scoff from you, “you did a great job on the banner,” he gave you a thumbs up, dusting the small stray snips of paper from his khaki slacks, pushing his hoodie off of his head to reveal his messy brown hair.

“Thanks,” you murmured, “hope it’s not too much trouble for you to help me fix it.”

Renjun shook his head, dismissing you quickly. He figured he could use the distraction anyway.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How are you going home?” he continued, glancing at the time to see that it was almost 8 in the evening.

“Oh, uh, my mom.”

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted, nodding at you before he directed his gaze to the empty pick-up point at the entrance of the school building.

“I’ll wait with you, then,” he said with a certain finality in his tone that you didn’t bother refuting, appreciating the company (and so did he).

So you let him wait with you outside in the drop off point in the school. You weren’t sure if it was just you or the fact that it was already dark out, but it was almost as if it had gotten windier, and as you turned to ask Renjun if he felt it too, you’d stopped yourself when you saw how he had let his eyelids flutter shut as the wind blew against his face and neck. You wanted to look away, yet couldn’t help yourself. Something about the way he looked now felt so... weighted to you, as if he wanted nothing more than to just stay like that forever.

Though Renjun didn’t allow himself to enjoy the feeling for very long, opening his eyes reluctantly and letting out a small sigh through his nose, with you immediately looking away once he did so, fixing your gaze onto the license plate of one of the few cars left in the carpark.

“Are you excited for Valentine’s day?” you blurted out, in your attempt to fill the silence.

Renjun glanced at you before bringing his gaze to his feet, rocking on his heels as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his uniform slacks. He chewed on his lips, as if trying to contain his smile at the thought of something you were just itching to uncover.

“A little,” he hummed, giving you a small shrug.

Tilting your eyebrow in question, you hated the vagueness of his answer, yet knowing at the same time you weren’t in any position to force any answer out of him. So, you figured you’d tease him instead.

“Someone special gonna receive roses from you?” there was a mischievous glint in your eye, not missing the blush forming on Renjun’s cheeks because damn, was that cute or what?

Renjun shrugged, letting out a breathy sigh as he pretended to look for your moms car as if he knew what it looked like.

"If all goes well... yeah," he finally spoke just as you were getting impatient.

You couldn't help the squeal from escaping you as you searched for something to hit, settling on hitting the air because you wouldn't want to hit Renjun out of excitement.

"That's so cute!" you gushed, grinning widely, shocking Renjun with your reaction. If anything, you were the only one who wasn’t dissuading him from pursuing his senior. But then again, maybe that was because you had no idea who he was talking about.

"I hope it works out, you know, for you and whoever this special someone is," you gave him a thumbs up, spotting your mom's car driving into the school entrance.

"That's my mom," you pointed at the car, seeing him raise his eyebrows before realizing what you were pointing at, nodding curtly with his mouth forming an 'o' shape.

"Get home safe!" you called out, jogging towards your mom's car as you waved to him.

Renjun smiled, waving back at you and mustering a tiny bow to your mom as well.

"Who's that?" was the first question your mom asked when you were getting into the car.

"Senior from the art club," you told her, following Renjun with your gaze until your mom drove away.

Your mom let out a hum of intrigue, "Senior? What were you guys doing so late?"

Shrugging, you couldn’t help but mentally replay what Renjun said about that girl, and frankly you weren't upset that he had someone in mind, instead...you were kind of excited for him.

"Designing stuff for Valentine’s day, did you know that there's actually no apostrophe.." you droned on.

That night, Renjun wasn’t sure why he’d felt so relieved as he texted you lying in his bed with sleep slowly creeping up on him.

**Renjun (art club)**  
10:48pm **-thanks so much for coming down to help today, really appreciate it :) sleep well!-**

===

Fast forward to Valentine’s day, and Renjun was nowhere near doing what he'd expected himself to be doing on this _oh-so-special_ day.

Firstly, he was already late to meet Harvey at the town square. They’d agreed on taking a little tour around the town as part of Harvey’s cultural exchange experience here. Renjun had volunteered to show him around, of course, since Donghyuck was going out with a friend, Jaemin was busy with community service club overseas volunteer trip preparations, and well, Jeno wasn’t necessarily the most informative guide. (Also, he'd be lying if he said it wasn't also to give him an excuse to hang out near the university in hopes that he would see _her_ ).

Briskly walking over to the square, Renjun spotted a crowd of people, craning his neck around the pillar he was leaning against to see some tables and a tent set up with people selling roses, ringing bells and shouting prices out, along with taglines of 'get a bunch for your honey bunch!' that made Renjun’s thoughts wander to her, but no. He wasn't going to get flowers for her, he figured he should just get a bunch for Harvey, you know, just for the lols (even though he knew Harvey already got plenty of those from the girls in school).

Strolling over to the booth, Renjun tried his best to squeeze through the crowd of college students and middle-aged women who were busy picking out bouquets, finally managing to get to the table covered in wrapping paper, frowning at the various bouquets.

"Hi, uh," Renjun was too busy scanning the array of prices in front of him to realize the girl standing in front of him.

"Can I get a... actually no—"

"Hey, what can I get you?"

Renjun could recognize that voice anywhere, looking up to see none other than his senior standing in the booth, eyebrows raised and a knowing smile on her face.

She looked different, more grown-up almost.

Freezing on the spot, Renjun felt his mind blank, his lips parting as he stared at her. He thought he would’ve been happy to see her, but he wasn’t sure why instead there was only a lingering pit of dread in his chest, the questions he’d been avoiding all seeming to surface now.

Why couldn’t she have replied to his messages sooner? Was it because she was busy with this? Why did she look so happy to see him? _How could she face him like nothing was wrong even after ghosting him for so long?_

"Happy Valentine’s day! What are you doing here?" she asked, "I'm helping my church sell flowers for fundraising," she added as an afterthought.

Renjun almost couldn’t help the knit in his brow, his finger pointing weakly at the bouquet he wanted to buy for Harvey.

“Oh, you want this one? Cool,” she’d smiled, glancing sideways carefully as she proceeded to wrap his bouquet for him, Renjun standing there in silence as he watched her.

As if the universe felt like he could afford to feel worse, Renjun watched as a guy that couldn't be much older than him walked up to his senior, draping a hand around her waist.

"Hey, babe, who's this?" the words that left the guy’s lips had left a bitter taste in Renjun’s mouth, or maybe that was just blood from how hard Renjun was biting on his lip, he couldn’t be bothered to figure it out at this point.

Renjun didn’t miss the way his senior had sensed his discomfort, slowly prying the guy’s hand away from her waist, though he didn’t seem to budge.

Renjun could almost scoff. _You don’t have to pretend,_ he wanted to tell her, _it’s pretty clear now why things played out the way they did after you graduated._

"This is my junior Renjun! Right, jun, I've been meaning to tell you, this is my boyfriend... " Renjun tuned out the rest of her sentence, not hearing and frankly not caring for whatever his name was. Renjun couldn't remember if he'd actually replied, all he knew was that he wanted to get out of there, and fast.

“Right,” Renjun murmured, shoving the cash into someone else's hands and trying to squeeze his way out of the crowd, getting stopped by a tall figure halfway.

"Hey man, what's up with the yellow sweater? It's Valentine’s day! shouldn't you be donning some red somewhere?"

Renjun glared at Harvey with teary eyes, shoving the flowers into Harvey's chest.

"Happy stupid valentine’s day," he huffed, storming off somewhere. Renjun didn’t actually know where he was going, but he realised no matter where he went he’d still have a blonde haired exchange student trailing behind him.

"Aww. Thanks, man. But you know that’s not gonna flatter me into not asking you what happened, right?"

Harvey chased after Renjun, the younger boy stopping in the least unpopulated part of the park, running his hands through his hair in frustration. Jeno was right, Renjun wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know why she was avoiding him. After all, he was just something meant to be left behind along with the rest of her high school life.

But maybe that was what frustrated him about it, maybe he let himself get too caught up in their time spent in high school that he just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he’d been trying to prolong living in it, even though she was done.

A crowded park on Valentine’s Day probably wasn’t the best day to be sitting on the verge of tears contemplating his love life that felt like it was in shambles, especially not with the way Harvey was looking at him, but well, Renjun figured he was too far to go back at this point.

“Are you ready to tell me what happened?” Harvey frowned, still cradling his bouquet of roses, looking at Renjun with an expression filled with such pity it made Renjun want to scoff. Jeno had probably already told Harvey, anyway.

"I saw her," he sniffed, a hand coming up to pinch his nose as if that would help the way his hot tears were falling so quickly, roughly wiping them away with the sleeve of his sweater, "with that guy! Whoever the f— _hell_ that was.”

“I think I saw him just now, he’s pretty good looking I must say,” Harvey hummed, (if that did anything to help the situation).

“Was that why she was too 'busy' to even send me a text on how she was?" he huffed, ignoring Harvey’s statement as he glared at the flowers, crouching down to sit on a big boulder, not caring if it would make his pants dirty. _What was he wearing anyway?_ Did being so enraptured with him make him forget his own sense of style too?

" _DNYL_ , don't need your love," Harvey started after a long silence, making Renjun roll his eyes.

"Shut up, Harvey, you know, you don't have to rub it in my face even more—"

"No, no,” Harvey clucked his tongue in annoyance, shaking his head, “I meant, join the club."

A silence fell between the two, Renjun looking at Harvey with a look that was asking if Harvey had a death wish.

"Wow, I totally feel much better now, thanks so much, Harvey." Renjun bristled at Harvey's words, sarcasm dripping in his tone as he folded his arms across his chest and buried his head into his folded arms, desperately wanting to wallow in the sadness he'd been avoided for a long while now.

"Just listen, It's a club. The DNYL club. Pretty sure you don't want to think about her or however she makes you feel right now, yes?" Renjun looked up at Harvey, eyebrows furrowed but nodding nonetheless.

"That's the point. It’s like a support group... almost,” Harvey continued, ignoring the wince on Renjun’s face, “It's pretty simple, the only rules we have are..."

Harvey extended his hand, his other hand touching each finger as he continued, "1. No talking about love, 2. No crying, 3. Have fun!"

Harvey grinned at the very sad-looking boy, who had let a small pause ensue before a loud scoff escaped him.

"That's about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who even said yes to this club?”

Harvey shot a thoughtful look at Renjun, furrowing his eyebrows, “Well... as of now it’s you. Oh! and Donghyuck who has yet to get back to me about it, but yes, for now, just you.” Harvey recalled casually, blind to the look of disbelief on Renjun’s face.

“Lee Donghyuck? What the hell is he doing in this club? He’s basically in love with his best friend.”

“Don’t make me add another rule that says you have to be nice,” he chided, and for a second, Renjun thought Harvey sounded an awful lot like his mother.

Deciding that it was better to submit to Harvey’s insistence instead of sign himself up for a lifetime of pestering, Renjun shrugged, a loud sigh leaving him as he stood up to dust the dirt off his pants.

“Whatever, if it helps me take my mind off anything to do with love then yeah. Sure, I’m in.”

Clapping Renjun on the back, Harvey grinned, “Good. Now show me around the city, This lovely day ends soon and I wanna bask in the atmosphere as much as I can before I have to go back.”

===

The next time you'd seen Renjun, (you didn’t know this but) you weren’t meeting the same Renjun. This Renjun was a little more hardened than before. He’d gotten over her quicker than he’d thought he would, for now directing his attention to his art and focusing on pouring his passion into his paintings and his schoolwork. _Love? He’d leave that to people like Jaemin._

It was barely a week later when you’d gone to the self-study area of the library in hopes that it would help you get some assignments done. You didn’t have your expectations that high, knowing the library was usually packed with students studying or reading, but you were pleasantly surprised to see that there was an empty table in the quieter part of the library.

However, you figured this must’ve been for a reason, since you spotted none other than Renjun’s friend sitting at the table. Lee Jeno, you remembered your friend telling you.

_He couldn’t have come here alone just to play games, right?_

You did a quick scan of the area around him, your footsteps slowing, almost feeling as if the creaking of the floorboard underneath you had gotten louder as your gaze landed on a figure crouched over an ipad in one of the self-study booths, the same grey hoodie and the moomin keychain on his stylus letting you know it was Renjun.

Engrossed in his game, you’d flinched when Jeno had abruptly jumped in his seat, a small wheeze of disappointment leaving him, setting his phone down onto the table as he leant back in his seat, his gaze flickering around to land on you, tilting his head at you.

"Hey, Renjun's friend," his demeanour immediately changed from annoyed to sweet as his eyes formed soft crescents when he smiled.

Your gaze darted to the empty seats next to him, about to ask when he’d continued. "Oh yeah, no one's sitting here," he gestured to the seats in front of you.

Letting a small sigh of relief escape you, you gave him a grateful nod, casting another glance at Renjun, wondering what he was so busy drawing. You wondered if his Valentine’s day had gone well.

Maybe your staring had been too obvious, since Jeno had let out a small giggle, "Don't mind him, he's being a little bitch today," he held his hand up near his face, using his other finger to point through it in Renjun's direction.

Shaking your head dismissively with an 'it’s fine', you were quick to take out your things to study, eager to get to work.

However, hours had passed, and you were trying your best to finish looking through your notes and highlighting them, but your vision kept blurring and your head only seemed to get heavier and heavier, the words on your textbook blurring yet your eyes were too tired to refocus.

It was only a matter of time before you felt a tap on your shoulder. _Shit, it's probably the security guard._

Preparing yourself mentally to pretend to be extra remorseful for falling asleep, you opened your eyes, only for your gaze to land on a hooded Renjun with tired eyes, a hand hovering over your shoulder. Pulling his hand back quickly and shoving it into his pocket, he looked around you at the empty library.

"Uh...good morning?" you could almost laugh at how your first thought was that his gentle tone was something you could get used to waking up to.

Your eyes widened at his greeting. "Huh? How long did I sleep-!”

Renjun huffed, too tired to muster a bigger laugh, "Calm down, calm down. It's not actually the morning. I just decided I'd wake you before the security guard could. It’s closing in 10 minutes."

You groaned, or sighed in relief, maybe both. Standing up abruptly Renjun took a step back instinctively to put some distance between the both of you, watching as you started shoving your things into your bag lazily, your actions reminding him of Jeno.

"Thanks," you sighed, “how come you stayed so late?”

Renjun didn’t know how to answer you. Frankly, he wasn’t sure himself. I mean, Jeno had left hours before he did, and it wasn’t as if he was doing anything important, just slouching over his ipad working on a sketch.

Renjun shook his head, “just... working on a drawing.”

“Oh, really? That’s cool,” you murmured, “something for the art club?” You recalled them talking about designing a poster of some sort for a sports meet.

Renjun shook his head, “Nah, just... something for fun.”

Your laughter bubbled out of you before you could stop yourself, “you didn’t look like you were having a lot of fun.”

About to respond, Renjun was interrupted by an incoming phone call, giving you a small apologetic nod, the distraction of his phone call giving you time to wince at the comment you made.

“Yeah?” you walked in silence beside him as you slowly made your way out of the library, your footsteps matching with Renjun’s in your boredom.

“Oh, yeah. No, it’s okay. Then I’ll just eat something before I go back.”

Your eyebrows lifted, a small hum leaving you on accident, earning a small smile from Renjun.

“Alright, bye.”

Your head turned a little too quickly to face Renjun, a huff of laughter leaving you in your embarrassment.

Renjun hummed, “so, uh... are you heading home for dinner?” You shook your head.

“Told my mom I was gonna settle my own dinner but I may have... overshot my scheduled dinner time.”

You didn’t expect him to snicker.

“Oh, no, It’s fine. I’m sure you spent the time studying hard,” a small smirk played at his lips, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

Lips parting to let out a gasp, you couldn’t help but laugh, “Of course I did, what are you talking about?”

Renjun shook his head, a burst of laughter leaving him. You were surprised to see the small smile that appeared on Renjun’s face, seeing as he’d been all pensive and broody the entire time he was sat at the self-study booth, even when Jeno tried to persuade him to hear his life updates. You were sure you would love to hear his laugh again, he looked much lovelier when he smiled.

“Do you have dinner at home?” you asked, even though you figured you already more or less knew his answer from what you heard during his phone call. Well, you figured there was no harm in asking.

The confirmation from his head shake made your eyes light up, pursing your lips before blurting, “do you wanna get dinner together, then?”

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. He shouldn’t have been that surprised, he supposed. It was true, you both didn’t have dinner, and you were both students on a budget. It would just be for the sake of convenience, right? _Exactly._

His hesitance made you regret your words instantly, shaking your head in dismissal, “Oh, no, you know what? It’s fine if you don’t want to, sorry...” you rambled, something about the sight making Renjun want to laugh.

_It’s not that deep, Renjun, it’s not like she’s asking you out on a date._

“Actually uh... yeah sure that’d be great.”

You shot him a disbelieving look, as if you weren’t expecting him to agree, earning an eye roll from him, his instinctive reaction being to respond with comebacks and sarcasm.

Hands raising defensively, Renjun scoffed, “Okay... fine, if you don’t want to I’ll just leave now and you can have a lonely dinner and walk home in the dark unsafe street—”

“Okay, shut up,” you nudged him with your elbow, ignoring the warmth that was slowly creeping onto your face and neck, adjusting your sweater out of a sheer want to fidget, “let’s just go eat.”

You’d ended up in a convenience store after you’d both realized you were short of money for a proper meal, but not minding the convenience store dinner anyway. Bringing the hot ramen to the nearby playground, you’d sat yourselves on the spongy mat below the swings, leaning against the pole of the swings and enjoying the cold evening breeze together with the hot noodles.

“How’ve you been? Adjusting to school well?”

Your eyes widened, not expecting him to actually be initiating conversation with you, but you nodded quickly nonetheless, trying to chew your noodles quickly before answering him.

“Yeah, I think I’ve been adjusting pretty well, you know, slowly getting the hang of things,” you shrugged, seeing him release a breathy laugh through his mouthful of noodles, cutting and swallowing them smoothly.

“You call falling asleep in the library getting the hang of things?” he joked, making you scoff.

“Leave me alone, I was tired and the notes were really boring,” you glared at him (though your gaze held hardly any true menace), hating the way he was smirking at you through his mouthful of noodles that you’d swatted at his back.

Not expecting him to have choked on his noodles from your sudden use of blunt force, y our eyes widened when Renjun had begun to cough harshly, setting his ramen down quickly and beating at his chest, wincing as he swallowed the rest of his noodles.

“Oh shit, i’m so sorry I didn’t mean to choke you—” you fished into the grocery bag from the convenience store, shoving a bottle of water towards him as he accepted it gratefully. You could almost swear he was laughing.

Successfully calming down from his little mishap, Renjun groaned, leaning his head against the same pole you were sitting next to, the too-close proximity and the way he was looking at you with just the smallest of playful glints in his eyes making you look away, pretending to be busy eating.

“What were you studying?” he murmured, his voice still a little hoarse from the aftermath of the spicy ramen.

You chewed on your mouthful of food, “Chemistry,” you mumbled, turning to him only to laugh at the grimace on his face.

“Mr Moon’s class?”

You nodded, “He’s a really good teacher but... really hard to keep up with.”

Renjun smiled, a tired smile that almost made you forget what you were talking about for a second.

“I get it, Jeno and I had him last year too. Jeno was fine. But I, on the other hand, completely understand what you mean,” his smile was a little softer now, “If you’re having any trouble with that subject you can let me know, I’m pretty sure I have some notes I can give you.”

You couldn’t help yourself.

“Whether those notes are any good? That is the question.”

Renjun let out a hearty laugh, rolling his eyes with feigned anger towards you, “If you don’t want them you could’ve just said so.”

You wrinkled your nose with a small smile gracing your features, your ramen long gone as you shifted awkwardly in your seat.

“Are you tired? You can lean here, you know, there’s enough space,” Renjun murmured, a small yawn leaving him.

Renjun didn’t know what possessed him to say that to you. It was a pole for goodness’ sake. If anything, you leaning on the pole would just mean that half of you would have to lean on him.

Thankfully, you knew this too, shaking your head at him, “No, thanks. I’m alright.”

Renjun pressed his lips together, “Right, sorry. Shouldn’t have said that... kind of weird, right?”

You smiled, secondhand embarrassment coming over you in tidal waves as you returned the nod, “Yeah, just a little. Wouldn’t want to give your girlfriend an excuse to come after me.”

Renjun frowned at that, and now it was your turn to be embarrassed. You weren’t even sure if he had a girlfriend. _What possessed you to say that?_ Probably the same thing that was making Renjun behave so weirdly as well. Was there anything to properly describe that?

Maybe it was just... curiosity begging to be satiated, the bright red tag of youth d angling over your heads begging the both of you to throw aside any preconceptions about the other. There were no rules as to how to make friends with people (ironically, that thought scared Renjun a little).

“Girlfriend?” Renjun breathed.

Your eyebrows furrowed, knowing you’d made a mistake by bringing her up just from Renjun’s expression.

“Sorry, no, I just... sorry, it was wrong of me to assume, I just figured since you said that thing about Valentine’s Day...”

Renjun shook his head in dismissal, a small smile of reassurance gracing his features. “It’s fine... actually, you don’t have to feel sorry, it’s not like I didn’t see it coming.” You frowned.

“Would it be too much if I asked what happened?”

Renjun’s smile grew, “Would it be too much of a ‘ _tmi_ ’ if I tell you what happened?”

You huffed, a smile making its way onto your features as well as you shook your head slowly, bringing your knees up to your chest and resting your folded arms on top of them, gently resting your chin on top of your arms.

“Not at all, go ahead.”

Renjun nodded, pausing and letting his lips form a slight pout as he thought of where to start. “Well, for starters... she’s a year older than me.”

You couldn’t help the way your eyes widened, the smallest of whispers leaving you.

“From the art club?” you winced as the words left you, not expecting Renjun to hear you and give you a surprised nod.

“Yeah, actually. How’d you know?”

“... the school’s pretty much a _giant_ rumour mill.”

Renjun huffed, his lips parting only to shut again, nodding grimly, “Figured... well, that’s kind of embarrassing. How much do you know?”

You wrinkled your nose in distaste, “I just heard that she was a senior from the art club and that you guys were dating.”

Renjun nodded, flashing you a smile that was all too lighthearted to match the uncertainty you felt to pursue this topic.

“Okay, I guess we can start there. We never dated... I know a lot of people probably thought we did because we spent a lot of time together and we were pretty close from doing all those projects in the art club but... I guess that was what confused me about it too?”

“It kind of makes sense... now that i’m thinking about it,” he picked up his bottle of water halfway to take a sip, the anticipation of his next sentence making your wide eyes awfully amusing to Renjun, “I guess because she treated me so well, and because she was so good at what she did- she was very talented in art- that I guess I confused what I felt for her as more than just... infatuation? If that makes sense.”

“So you _did_ like her?” you hummed, making Renjun huff, rolling his eyes at you.

“I mean, yeah. But it wasn’t anything deeper than admiration. Thinking about it now, I don’t think I ever wanted to pursue a relationship with her... I just... got really over my head and didn’t know what I was feeling so I just labelled it as attraction.”

“Maybe it was all that bullshit my mom was telling me about how a guy and girl can never be just friends,” he added as an afterthought, making you giggle.

“Are you feeling better now, though?”

Renjun shrugged, “Kind of still feel like an idiot for wasting so much of my time but yeah, I guess I'm feeling better.”

You hummed, “I guess that’s kind of what love entails... you know, devoting time and energy into pursuing that relationship...”

Renjun let out a low whistle, “Exactly. Which is why I don’t plan on doing that again.”

The hum that left you was a little too shocked for your liking, making you clear your throat and try again, “What? Like... fall in love?”

Renjun nodded seriously, not seeming to have noticed how you faltered.

“I don’t need it,” he spoke, laughing a little belatedly as if he thought of something, “not for now, at least. I’m much happier just... focusing on my work and my art stuff... doing that and managing feelings? I’d rather not, honestly.”

You thought back to what your friend said about Renjun’s friend group. Each of them had their own dealbreaker, their own setback. Maybe this was Renjun’s; _his unwillingness to admit that he wore his heart on his sleeve._

You didn’t even know him for that long and you could tell that much.

“You seem pretty decided on that,” you mustered a laugh, making him shrug.

“It was my only possible conclusion on how to spend the rest of my time in this shit—school peacefully.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Just say you’re boring and go.”

That was the second time he was hearing that phrase and weeks apart, no less. Obviously, the first time was because Jeno was referring to something Renjun was passionate about, but... to be passionate about not wanting to fall in love? Renjun wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted to add to his list.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, suddenly not wanting you to think of him that way, which was strange, considering he couldn’t be bothered if it was Jeno saying it.

You shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s like my mom says this all the time: ‘ _your youth is the best time to be enjoying yourself. To fall in love, to dress up for the sake of dressing up_.’ I mean, that second part doesn’t really have a link to what we’re talking about but it’s mostly the first part. You know, like... how will you know if you’re meant to be if you don’t try to find out? Where’s the fun in not taking risks?”

“I’d much rather—” Renjun’s sentence was interrupted when your phone had started ringing, the rest of Renjun’s sentence drowned out as you picked up the phone call.

“Hello? No, yeah, I’m fine, I’m with a friend... Yeah, i’ll be back soon... half an hour tops.”

Hanging up the phone, you shot a sheepish look at Renjun, “Right, sorry, what did you say just now?”

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted, shaking his head in dismissal quickly.

“Nah, it’s nothing. You need to get home?”

Your apologetic expression had only grown stronger, nodding at him, “Yeah, my mom’s kind of rushing me.”

Renjun snickered as he stood up, still trying to brush away the thought process you’d launched him into with your statement.

“Didn’t know you still had a curfew.”

You scoffed, “Yeah, well. It’d be dangerous for me to be out this late alone, anyway.”

Renjun nodded, the stupid smile on his face lingering as he helped to dispose of your empty ramen packets and bottles of water.

“I know, I was just messing with you. C’mon, lead the way. I’ll walk you home.”

Your eyes widened, too stunned to do anything other than nod, the silence as you began walking giving you time to review your conversation and wonder just how you’d managed to feel so comfortable around this Renjun that was so different from the one you were used to seeing just in school, on that ‘hi, bye’ basis only.

“Did the community service club say anything about the posters and banners?” You asked, just to distract yourself from overthinking your previous conversation.

Renjun nodded profusely, pulling his jacket sleeves up to his elbows before shoving his hands into his pant pockets as he walked.

“They loved it, _especially_ the president. He keeps saying it gave him good luck,” he paused to fish for his water bottle in his bag, taking a big gulp of it before continuing his sentence, “he said he’d even personally contact us for future events that they have.”

“He liked it that much?”

Renjun nodded, “He was telling me about how Valentine’s day went really well for him, going on and on about how it was the feng shui of our decorations.”

“Who’s the president?” you laughed, wondering if you had seen him around before.

“My friend Jaemin, he’s the one that always goes on stage to talk about the community service trips.”

You sucked in a sharp breath. That was definitely not what you knew him by. “ _Na Jaemin?_ ” you gasped.

Renjun quirked an eyebrow at your reaction, nodding slowly as realisation washed over him, taking his lower lip between his teeth and releasing it just as quickly.

“Lemme guess, rumour mill again?”

You nodded sheepishly, “Yeah.”

“Not surprised. Jaemin’s too popular among the girls for his own good, considering how _swamped_ he is with responsibilities.”

You scoffed, “Maybe you should _life guru_ him into thinking the same way you do about love, then he’d have nothing to worry about.”

Feeling Renjun nudge you with his elbow, you couldn’t help the laughter that escaped you, echoing in the empty streets as you stepped on your shadows under the streetlamp.

“Okay, now you’re just making fun of me.”

“That’s great, though. I’m glad it went so well for him... for you on the other hand” you went back to the original topic, a teasing tone to your words as you tried to ignore the way your thoughts were jumping all over the place, fighting to stop yourself from constantly bumping into Renjun as you walked.

At Renjun’s lack of a response, you were quick to add, “I’m kidding, just saying.”

You were already walking on the street where you lived, nearing your tiny apartment complex.

Renjun let a small huff of laughter escape him, “No, I mean, you’re not wrong. Honestly, I could look at it negatively, but... I’m okay... I think,” he laughed, knowing he was flat out lying but _hey, that was just his way to convince himself,_ he guessed.

“Besides, I like to believe that with time comes new people, and new experiences, and that these do a lot more healing than I would expect.”

“Do you ever feel angry about it?” you blurted, the thought of his senior bugging you to no end. Hearing him laugh, you’d expected the cliché answer of ‘no of course not it’s a lesson for me to learn from blah blah’. 

You should’ve known better, though, this was _Renjun_ after all.

Renjun simply laughed, “Of course, all the damn time. Especially when I first found out.” Your eyebrows raised in amusement, “Really?”

Renjun looked at you as though you were crazy for not believing him, “Look, I don’t believe in ghosting. It’s unnecessary and it sure as hell wasted a whole lot of my time. I could’ve let go of her way longer ago if she hadn’t strung me along,” he explained, earning an understanding nod from you, seeming to understand his reasoning.

“I mean, that’s true... but I guess it’s like what you said. No point crying over what’s already done...” You stopped in front of your apartment complex, turning to face Renjun with a small smile on your face.

“I hope you can meet these new people and have these new, healing experiences soon.”

Little did you know, Renjun had almost wanted to mention how you felt like one of those new people. Deciding that he’d rather not confuse you, or himself, any further, he settled for just nodding at you.

“I hope so too.”

Pressing your lips together in a close-lipped smile, you inhaled before releasing a small sigh, laughing at the sheer tension you were feeling.

“Goodnight, Renjun,” you paused, glancing at your floor when you saw one of the room lights turn on, “thanks for walking me home,” you added, turning to start making your way to the lobby.

“Y/N!” he called out a little too loudly, startling you into a jump, whipping around quickly to face him with wide eyes.

Renjun mirrored your expression, his eyebrows raising in shock, hands flying up to cover his mouth.

“Shit, sorry, that was really loud,” his expression was sheepish, “I just wanted to uh... thank you? For today? Even though it may not have looked like it, it really made me feel a lot better,” he gave you an awkward close-lipped smile, shoving his hands into his pockets again.

Maybe he was just a little more softhearted than he was letting on.

“Anytime, Renjun,” you told him, waving goodbye before going into your house.

===

“Any updates on that girl?” Donghyuck waggled his eyebrows at Jaemin (a new addition to Harvey’s DNYL club), who was currently spectating a pubg match that Jeno was in (and Jaemin had already died in).

“I should ask you, aren’t you her friend?” Jaemin huffed, making Donghyuck shrug.

“How am I supposed to know if you’ve approached her before this? It’s not like she gives me hourly updates,” Donghyuck raised his arms in defence, slumping back down on his seat in defeat, Jaemin snickering as he echoed Donghyuck’s words.

“Why are you so interested anyway? It’s not like your love life is any more exciting,” Renjun drawled, making Donghyuck scoff.

“And yours is?”

Jeno had chosen to cut in at that point, exchanging a hi-five with Jaemin as he won the match, setting his phone down to cast a blank look at Renjun.

“What are you guys talking about?”

Donghyuck held an accusatory finger pointed at Jeno, directing the question to him pointedly, “Who’s got a better love life, me or Renjun?”

Giving Jeno a look as if to say it was obviously him, Donghyuck’s eyebrows lifted as he awaited Jeno’s answer, the boy letting out a giggle, as his eyes formed those innocent crescents once again.

“Oh, Renjun for sure. You’re hopeless. Renjun’s at least talking to someone.”

Renjun’s eyebrows knit into a frown, “Wait, who am I talking to?”

“Well, I’m talking to someone too!” Donghyuck insisted at the same time, making Jeno roll his eyes yet again.

It was a wonder how someone could go from looking absolutely harmless and sweet to intentionally spiteful just in a matter of seconds.

“First of all, hyuck, pining over your best friend doesn’t count. And plus, Renjun’s talking to that library girl from the art club,” Jeno turned to Renjun for confirmation, “aren’t you?”

Jaemin narrowed his eyes, “Wait... so is she from the library club or the art club?”

The three boys looked at Renjun in anticipation, something in Renjun knowing this was just what he got for having Harvey form the club out of his literal existing friend group.

“Art club...” Renjun frowned, “but that’s not the point. I’m not like... interested in her or anything. We’re just... friends.”

“That’s what Donghyuck used to say too, and look where that got him,” Jeno muttered pointedly, a hidden teasing lilt to his tone, earning a scoff from Donghyuck and a tiny ‘ _i’m doing fine, thank you very much’_ leaving the said boy.

“It’d be cute, though. I’d love to see what Renjun’s like in love. I think it’ll be really cute,” Jaemin gushed, clasping his interlocked fingers under his chin as he waggled his eyebrows at Renjun, a lazy smile on his face.

“I don’t think it’d be any different from how I am now, I don’t know what you’re so excited about,” Renjun lied, desperately trying to rid himself of Jaemin’s knowing gaze.

“Really? I can already imagine it,” Jaemin started, “Firstly, I think you’d want to share a lot of things with this person... literally and figuratively.”

Jeno hummed in agreement, adding on to what Jaemin said, “Not to mention you’d be extra observant, always wanting to make sure they’re okay...”

“What do you think, hyuck?” Jeno asked, the said boy humming as he stared Renjun down, looking deep in thought.

“I think.... He’ll probably love them as much as he loves his art... if not more.”

Renjun rolled his eyes, glancing at his watch.

“Yeah, I’m not having this conversation with you guys. I’m gonna leave.”

“Where are you going?” Jaemin frowned, “we were just getting started.”

“Art room,” Renjun murmured, earning a groan from Jeno.

“Don’t know what I was expecting,” Jeno sighed, “alright, then. Have fun.”

Giving a backhanded wave at the guys, Renjun briskly walked out, heaving a sigh of relief once he was away from the prying eyes of his (very bored) friends.

===

Renjun hadn’t thought much of what his friends had said, figuring he’d let it brush past him in an effort not to care. But what he wouldn’t have realised was that in the process, it became more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than he noticed.

And what this meant, essentially, was that _1\. Maybe Jaemin was right, Renjun would want to share things with the person he liked._

You were having a bad day, you’d been given the brunt of preparations of your class’ banners for the upcoming sports meet just because you were the only one in your class that was from the art club, and though you liked drawing, you had a ton o f studying and readings to catch up on for your classes, not to mention how you were already tired from staying up the previous night doing group work. Designing banners for the sports meet were probably the last thing on your list of priorities.

However, you being you, you simply suppressed your fatigue, deciding you would be positive about it and think of it as a job you’d might as well do well.

Carrying box upon box of flyers and your quarter-done banner, you decided you would head to the art room after getting kicked out of the library for your scissors being too loud when you were cutting paper (a silly mistake on your part). Three flights of stairs later, you were starting to regret your decision, your hands practically numb from the weight of all the materials you were carrying and your footsteps hesitant as you could barely see what was in front of you.

Thankfully enough, you’d reached the art room, obviously not knowing that there was a very frustrated Renjun inside the room.

Renjun wasn’t the most patient of people. He figured if there was a meter, his patience level would probably border on the thirty to thirty five percent mark (which was him being generous with his rating too, for that matter), art was just one of those things Renjun found his patience running a little more deep for.

However, he wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t painted in so long, but he was having a big creative block, and a very frustrating one at that.

The thudding at the doors followed by a curt yelp from you was what directed his attention away from his (still empty) canvas.

Trudging over to the doors to see what the ruckus was about, you’d shocked Renjun when you nudged the door open with your foot, practically barging your way in and stumbling over to the nearest table, emptying your hands and letting yourself collapse onto a heap on the floor.

You should’ve known something was off when the door had closed a little belatedly, Renjun staring at you looking absolutely bewildered at your state.

“What are you doing?”

You startled with a yelp, clutching a hand to your chest as you spun around, wide eyes directed towards Renjun, who had simply huffed at your reaction.

“Oh, uh... banners, you know, for the sports meet.”

Renjun frowned, “Alone?”

He sure knew what that felt like.

Surprisingly, though, you didn’t seem all that affected, giving him a gentle smile.

“Uh-huh,” you nodded, your gaze wandering over to the earbuds in his hand and the paint on his hands, “were you painting?”

Renjun sighed, shrugging, a deflated “Yeah.” leaving him. “Can I see?”

Renjun let out a hum of hesitance, taking a step back away from you almost as if to shield his canvas, “No, It’s really not that good, I’m not done with it yet.”

You had merely grinned at him, “Well, then, it’s too soon to say, isn’t it?”

Renjun wondered momentarily, just how it was possible for you to still be so positive even though you were probably tired from all you were doing. That was another thing that made you different, he supposed. Here he was, frustrated out of his mind trying to figure out why his brushstrokes wouldn’t come as naturally as they used to. Enter you, who seemed like everything in their world was just going perfect (even though they’d just stumbled into the room panting with a bunch of boxes in their hands and art materials hanging from their arms).

Strangely enough, there was something that felt welcoming about it, so much so that Renjun was almost compelled to show you his artwork then and there, something he would’ve never done for anyone else in a million years.

Renjun’s expression was unreadable, lips parting and shutting as he tried to search for a response in his head, deciding on nodding at you, the smallest of smiles playing at his lips.

“Yeah... I guess you could say that.”

He was hopeful, as he went back to his stool and continued to work on his painting while you sat on the floor working on the banner, your legs stretched out in front of you as you cut little decorations for your banners.

Renjun continued to work on his orchids, annoyed to find that the more he worked, the more he’d started getting frustrated at the misshapen nature of the petals, or the way some flowers seemed unevenly spaced, or why that brushstroke had to have been too close to his petal and made him want to paint over the entire mess.

Sigh after sigh left Renjun’s lips, attracting your attention from where you sat on the floor.

“Hey, are you alright?” you couldn’t help the small huff of laughter that left you, staring curiously at Renjun as he set his paintbrush down with a sharp thud, turning to look at you, his eyes widening.

Yanking his earbuds out, his eyebrows furrowed, “Did you say something?”

You huffed, “Do you wanna take a break?”

He didn’t bother contemplating, the sight of your relaxed smile already doing everything to persuade him.

“Absolutely.”

Deciding on ordering food to your school instead, you’d spent your time waiting for the delivery to arrive simply talking to Renjun.

The start of the year always brought a lot of rain with it, something about the pattering of raindrops against the window of the art studio putting you in a relaxed mood, a contrary to Renjun who was trying desperately to think about anything other than the large canvas beside him, his leg bouncing out of feeling so utterly jittery.

“What were you working on?” you asked after a while of staring at his canvas that was strategically tilted away from you, only visible to Renjun, “not something for fun, I’m guessing.”

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted, “What makes you say that?”

You give him a shrug, leaning back where you were sitting on the floor, resting your palms behind you, “Dunno, you just seemed really stressed when you were working on it.”

Catching him off guard, Renjun blurted, “Was it that obvious?” His statement earned a chuckle from you, who nodded at him.

“Honestly... yeah. You would sigh every five minutes... do you know you hold your breath a lot when you paint?” you murmured, a small smile making its way onto your features as you enjoyed how his expression slowly turned more horrified.

“I do?” he gasped, shaking his head quickly and letting out a frustrated groan, “to be very honest with you, I have no idea what i’m doing.”

The look of confusion on your face had only prompted him to carry on.

“It’s supposed to be for an art exhibition for the seniors that they’re holding in a few months... I mean I know that sounds like a long way to go but I’m not someone that can rush stuff like this,” he sighed, gripping the seat of his stool tightly, “but I’m trying now and I’m just hating everything I paint.”

“Like... an artist’s block?” you offered. Though if anything, it was merely a prompt for him to continue, he seemed like he needed to vent anyway.

Letting out a grunt, “Probably. It just feels so technical and I keep trying to get at least something done by the end of this week but even now after i’ve been working on these stupid flowers for a week they still look imbalanced and nowhere near an actual o rchid. And I would know, I’ve stared at more orchids for the past week than I have in my entire life. Not to mention how the colours just don’t feel right and i’m using stupid paint because the ones I ordered aren’t coming till next week and that sucks because then i’ll have a week less to work on it and—” he stopped himself short, a small defeated sigh leaving him.

“I _love_ art... but I really, _really_ hate this.”

Renjun wasn’t sure what to make of the way you were staring at him, almost analysing his previous words, pursing your lips just momentarily. He swore you looked almost... _amused_?

_Great, she probably thinks i’m some over analytical, perfectionist, micromanaging idiot now._

But you didn’t, of course.

“I swear i’m not crazy,” he let out a small huff of laughter, “It’s just that art was something that came naturally to me for the longest time... I could just sit and draw or paint for hours and hours and never get sick of it. If anything, it just made me love it more...”

“Maybe it’s because I let myself get distracted from it for too long... and i’m just... I don’t know, like, rusty or something,” he tried to reason, stopping himself when he realised just how odd it was for him to be rambling so much.

“You know what I think?” you murmured, a hint of a smile playing at your lips. He tilted his head at you, yet another sigh leaving him,

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re thinking too much.”

“Huh?”

You nodded, “No, really, I’m being serious... it’s like, you’re focusing so much on what’s to be done, what’s yet to complete, what’s unfinished, that you’re not letting yourself really enjoy what you’re doing. And, you know, when you don’t enjoy it, even the things you love the most can start feeling like a chore.”

Renjun understood where you were coming from, but of course, Renjun being Renjun, he had to let himself sulk just a little bit more.

“Easier said than done,” he huffed.

If it were anyone else, say... _Donghyuck_ or Jeno, they wouldn’t have spared him another thought, simply replying with a ‘suit yourself’-esque statement in reply to his bitterness. You, on the other hand, still managed to seem so lighthearted that just for a second it almost scared Renjun.

_Why?_ Maybe because he’d just shared with you something he’d never shared with anyone else before, and it hadn’t even been a month since he met you.

You nodded, smiling at him, “I know that. But that’s a given, isn’t it? You’ve just gotta work on getting out of your head.”

“And into my heart,” Renjun sighed wistfully, startling when you’d burst into giggles.

“Definitely wasn’t what I was going to say but... sure, I guess you could start there.”

Later on, after your snack break when you and Renjun had resumed working on your individual things, you’d snuck a peek at Renjun’s painting when you’d already finished up the banners and posters, not being able to help but stare when you caught sight of the beautiful orchids he was painting.

Set against a blue-ish backdrop, the colour of the orchids reminded you almost of a sunset, the yellow and orange hues blending so perfectly together that you couldn’t believe his rambling just now was about the same orchids you were looking at.

Standing up, you couldn’t bear to tear your gaze away from the painted flowers even as you slung your backpack around your shoulders, barely noticing Renjun turning until you saw his brush halt its movements, Renjun’s voice snapping you out of your awe-filled daze.

“Are you heading home now?”

You nodded blankly at him, “Yeah... I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll probably be here again tomorrow,” Renjun thought out loud, not knowing what compelled him to say his next words, “You’re always welcome to come here, you know... It’s warmer than the library, anyway.”

You nodded, telling yourself you were just imagining the way the scrunch of his nose and sharp breath he let out made him seem almost embarrassed.

“Maybe I will.”

You started making your way out of the room, shaking your hesitance away as you turned before you could stop yourself, “Oh, and Renjun?”

He let out a small hum.

“You’re much too hard on yourself.”

You wouldn’t have seen it, but only when you left, Renjun may have released another breath he didn’t know he was holding.

===

Renjun figured the concern he felt the need to shower you with was all part and parcel of ‘caring for his friends’, but he’d never admit that maybe the _DNYL_ boys were right about him again, that _2\. Renjun would always want to make sure the person he liked was okay._

You’d built up some semblance of a system, where you would head over to the art studio after school, setting up your own little study corner in the room while Renjun would be a few metres away from you in his own little art corner, working ceaselessly on his works for the art exhibition.

Sometimes, if he saw you studying in the library, or more accurately, dozing off in-between study sessions, you’d find yourself waking up with post-its reading ‘ _stop slacking!_ ’ and ‘ _stop staying up so late_ ’ in Renjun’s tell-tale handwriting stuck to your head or the back of your hand.

Nearing exam season, Renjun set aside his artwork, deciding to study with you instead, sitting at the same table as you to study, trying to ignore the way your head would loll around whenever you started to fall asleep, and especially trying to ignore the way it made the thumping of his heart feel deeper, louder almost.

He brushed any curiosities aside, telling himself that he should’ve been focusing on his upcoming History test instead of wondering how your morning went, or how your weekend outing had gone, or simply, how you were.

Renjun figured things probably needed to be addressed soon when he was in a dnyl meeting, currently being subjected to an interrogation, courtesy of a very curious Jeno.

“I saw the little love letters you pasted on her that day in the library,” the boy narrowed his puppy-like eyes at Renjun, an accusatory lilt to his tone, as if saying _ha! I’d caught you red handed_ (in doing what? Renjun hadn’t come to terms with yet).

The latter let a small huff leave him, his pencil making a particularly hard mark against the paper of his sketchbook. Lifting his pencil, he shook his head at Jeno, “Again, not love letters.”

Jeno rolled his eyes, scoffing at Renjun, “Not my point. Since when were you so nice to juniors?”

“Hasn’t he always been nice?” Donghyuck murmured distractedly, earning a surprised look from Renjun.

“That’s high praise coming from you,” Renjun hummed, earning a sarcastic smile from Donghyuck, who shook his phone as if it would make the bullets of his player’s gun fly out any faster.

Donghyuck sing-songed, “Don’t make me take it back.”

“But really, it’s... nothing,” Renjun murmured, standing up and packing his book neatly into his bag, turning to face Jeno, “I’m going to the art studio now, follow if you want.”

Jeno nodded vigorously, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder quickly, bidding Donghyuck goodbye after announcing that he was going to the gym.

On the way to the library, Renjun couldn’t help but let Jeno’s words linger in his mind, trying to surface his intentions behind the gestures he did for you, wondering if he was indeed trying to get your attention through his gestures.

_But, it wasn’t as if he didn’t have your attention as it was, right?_ You were both friends, you could communicate comfortably with each other. You were both comfortable enough to make these little gestures for each other. There wasn’t anything more to it than that, much less what Jeno was implying.

So, it was safe to say that whatever Jeno tried to plant in Renjun’s head didn’t stop Renjun from yanking Jeno by his bag strap to stop walking when they were passing by a vending machine, wordlessly slipping some spare change in to get you a drink, recalling which one you liked with ease.

“Since when do you drink that?” Jeno laughed, amused at Renjun’s sudden change of taste.

“It’s for Y/N, she likes this.” Renjun replied quickly and casually, oblivious to the knowing look Jeno was giving him.

Jeno crossed his arms over his chest, making Renjun shoot him a defensive look.

“What?” Renjun snapped, annoyed that Jeno’s look was actually proving successful in unnerving him.

“You still think those aren’t love letters?”

Renjun scoffed, casting yet another eye roll Jeno’s way, “You’re making me wish Jaemin was back from his overseas trip.”

Upon his arrival to the art room, Renjun wouldn’t admit that he was disappointed not to have seen you there, but chose to dismiss the thought quickly, setting your drink down at your usual seat and setting up the rest of his study materials at the space next to it.

Renjun didn’t know this (or, at least, didn’t know it yet), but the reason why you weren’t at the art studio was because you were summoned by Mr Moon to stay behind after your Chemistry lesson, the teacher wanting to talk to you since you’d absolutely flunked your Chemistry paper.

You guessed you could understand why, you weren’t strong in that particular topic since it’d been taught when you weren’t at school, though after a bit of looking through your paper with Mr Moon, you figured your mistakes could’ve been prevented. Long story short, you were fine. You figured there was nothing else for you to do other than to improve, after all.

So when you’d bounded into the art studio with a bright grin on your face upon seeing Renjun, the boy was extremely c onfused when you’d slammed your test paper onto the table, the glaring ' _F'_ shocking Renjun.

“Hey,” you sighed with a smile, sitting on the stool next to Renjun as you unpacked your things.

Renjun frowned, sliding your canned drink towards you, “Yeah, hey... this is for you, by the way...” he stared at you, eyebrows knitted in confusion, not knowing what put you in such a good mood.

“So... you got your test papers back?”

“Uh-huh,” you nodded, opening the can with a loud scraping sound, taking a sip and looking at him expectantly.

“What’s wrong?” you tilted your head at him, confused as to why he was looking at you so hesitantly.

Renjun let out a hum of uncertainty, “Pretty sure I should be asking you that... are you okay?”

You nodded, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“... you failed your Chem test.”

A look of realisation glazed over your features, your lips parting before you’d started to laugh, your shoulders shaking.

“Oh, _that_. Yeah, it’s no big deal,” you calmed down from your burst of laughter, taking another sip of your drink.

“You sure?” Renjun couldn’t believe you, for some reason. If it were him in your position, he could’ve imagined how upset he’d been, how panicked he would’ve been at the thought of future Chemistry tests. Frankly, he couldn’t understand why you seemed so unaffected.

You nodded.

“I mean, I know I could be upset, but it’s not like it’d do anything for me. You know, I might as well work on how to get better.”

Renjun’s lips parted, a small huff leaving him, amazed at how different you seemed from him.

You eyed him suspiciously, something about his gaze unnerving you, “Stop giving me that look. It’s true!”

Renjun quirked an eyebrow at you, “Is it really?”

“You just think too much,” you countered.

“And you think too li—” Renjun stopped himself, trying to stifle his smile (poorly, you might add).

You gasped, eyes widening, smiling in spite of yourself, “You were gonna say i’m stupid!”

Renjun snickered, “No, I wasn’t. I was gonna say something else,” he shrugged as nonchalantly as he could.

Crossing your arms over your chest with a huff, you let out an annoyed grunt, “Fine, just say it. I can take it.”

Renjun smirked, “You think too little.”

You hummed, “I guess there’s perks to both sides.”

“It’d be better if we could have both, though.” Renjun had only realised the implication of his words after they’d left his lips, hoping you’d missed the way his eyes widened.

And it seemed like you did (you didn’t), as you pretended to take a sip of your coffee even though there was no more coffee in the can, hoping you could distract yourself from the warmth that began to spread in your chest.

“Guess that’s why we’re friends, isn’t it?”

What possessed you to say that? You weren’t sure. You just knew that you were desperate to think about anything other than what he could’ve meant by that passing comment.

Renjun looked down at his books, his arms stretched out before him holding his textbook tightly, smiling as he looked back at you, giving you a small nod.

“Guess so.”

Renjun figured that was one of the things he could learn from you, how to stop taking himself too seriously (especially in situations that didn’t require himself to), slowly giving himself reminders to just be in the moment. Strangely, he found that these reminders came more naturally when he was with you.

Whether that was good or bad, he wasn’t bothered to figure out. All he knew was that later on, when the both of you had gone back to studying and you’d blanked out when he’d tried to explain a certain Chemistry concept to you, he didn’t think twice when he’d flicked you on the forehead with his finger.

And though this was fairly common with him, he guessed being in the moment had only meant that his concern came extra naturally, finding himself rushing to make sure he didn’t actually scratch you when you’d let out a sharp yelp of pain. With his hands cupping your face as he searched for any scratch on your forehead, he’d felt you tense underneath his touch, your eyes widening.

Letting go of you just as quickly, Renjun cursed inwardly, knowing that it definitely wasn’t normal for him to be acting like this, yet somehow, not feeling as bad about it as he thought he would.

Maybe this was what he meant by meeting new people and having new experiences, because he was sure that with you, whatever he felt about his senior came nowhere close to what he was feeling right now, looking at you as you’d frozen in place, your hand clutching your pen tightly for some semblance of stability.

Clearing his throat quickly, he’d used his pen to tap on your textbook, “Uh... yeah, so, as I was saying...” he went on as if nothing had happened, leaving you overthinking it for the rest of your study session.

===

On a particularly bad art day, Renjun was close to losing his wits in the art room. One of the things his teacher had mentioned that she would like him to prepare was a portrait, or at least something like that, since she’d insisted to Renjun that his works of ‘actual people’ w ere all too beautiful not to include.

Unfortunately for Renjun, he didn’t exactly know what (or more accurately who to paint). Sure, he had a whole plan to ask one of Donghyuck’s friends to help him model, but when they’d cancelled on him last minute, they’d left Renjun _model-less_ and exasperated in the art studio. To think he’d even prepared props, the bundle of lilac coloured hydrangeas lying limply on the desk next to him.

He glared at the text from Donghyuck that said his friend couldn’t make it, setting his pencil down and whipping out his laptop to see if he could find any good reference photos he could work with, coming up short because although they were pretty, they didn’t really fit with the theme for the rest of his work. _Or maybe, that was just Renjun’s way of saying he just didn’t like it enough to want to paint it._

Rapidly searching and scrolling, Renjun felt like he was the only thing that was incessantly moving in the room, glancing over at you, who was sitting facing Renjun, holding your notes to your chest as you shut your eyes, trying to memorise content for your last exam in a few days.

Even the hydrangeas were moving more from the gusts of cold wind from the air conditioning compared to you.

Renjun didn’t know when he’d started staring at you, he just knew that it had probably been for a long time, because the more he looked at you, the more he’d wondered if he’d noticed how still you could be, how your lips would form a slight pout and your eyebrows would furrow ever so slightly when you were struggling to remember a particular line, only to open your eyes just a wink to take a quick peek at your notes and shut your eyes just as quickly, pretending as if you hadn’t looked at all.

Renjun could almost smile, amused at the sight of you so religiously committing your notes to memory, so focused that it was almost as if even the slightest of movements would throw you off.

After one chapter, you’d opened your eyes slowly, blinking to adjust to the light, glancing at Renjun only to see him staring at you intently.

“Yes?” you asked, earning a huff from Renjun.

“You haven’t moved at all from that stool since you started studying.”

You grinned, “ _I know, right?_ Sometimes I think I'd be pretty good at those jobs where you have to stay in the same position for hours.” you gushed, closing your eyes again as you attempted the next chapter of content.

“Do you always do that when you study?” he murmured, glancing between you and his bundle of hydrangeas, a thought creeping into his head that surprised him (even though he was the one that thought of it).

You opened your eyes quickly, shrugging, “What? This?” you gestured to your position now, earning a nod from him.

“Well... yeah, I guess.”

Renjun contemplated letting you know about his idea, hesitating because of the way you’d flipped your notes to see how much content you had left, a yawn leaving you.

“Do you uh... do you have a lot left to memorise?”

You eyed him curiously, “Not really... I’ve done more than my goal for today, actually... Why? Do you wanna take another snack break?”

Renjun laughed, shaking his head, “Ah... not really. I just... was wondering if you could do me a favour.”

“What kind of favour?” you hummed, “just so you know, I don’t have a lot of money.”

Renjun could only shoot you a look despite the giggle that left him, “Why do you- Okay, it’s not involving money, first of all.”

You set your notes down onto your lap slowly.

“Well, then what do you need?”

The word _need_ was a little too strong for him. _He couldn’t necessarily say he needed you to model for his portrait, right?_ _Would that be weird?_ Renjun couldn’t help himself. Out of all the beautiful portraits he’d seen in his search just now, you were (for some reason) the one he wanted to paint the most.

“I need to do a painting,” Renjun started, “Its... a portrait.”

Your eyes lit up with recognition, “Oh yeah, didn’t you say you were supposed to meet Donghyuck’s friend for it or something?”

He sucked in a sharp breath, “Yeah, about that... change of plans. I was gonna ask if uh... you could be my subject instead?”

Your eyebrows lifted, suddenly feeling exposed under his gaze with the knowledge that he wanted to put your picture to his canvas.

“Oh... uh... yeah, well, I mean... yeah, sure,” you told him, fumbling over your words to an embarrassing extent, unnoticed by Renjun who was too excited from the very fact that you’d agreed.

Using a hand to beckon you over, you stood up hesitantly, slowly padding over to where he was, adjusting your tie underneath your sweater, straightening out your uniform as if you were about to take a yearbook photo.

“What do you uh... what do you need me to do?”

Renjun handed you the bundle of hydrangeas, your fingers relaxing and holding them delicately, scared to bruise them with your usually careless gestures.

“I’ll just need to take a photo,” he cleared his throat, “I won’t ask you to like... you know, sit here for the whole time im painting ‘cause I know you’re busy. All I need is a reference photo.”

Grasping your forearms gently, Renjun led you to a stool he’d kicked to the side, making you sit on it, retrieving his phone from his pocket and switching to his camera app.

“How do you uh... want me to do this?” You felt frozen in place, almost, suddenly feeling all too stiff as you sat there on the wooden stool.

Renjun hummed, distracted with something on his phone before looking back at you seriously, shocking you when he’d brought a hand out to gently adjust your flyaway hairs, your gaze fixed on him as you couldn’t do anything but stare.

Nervous under his gaze, you swore they’d flickered momentarily to your lips, making you bring the bundle of flowers up to your mouth in your panic, “You’re really stressing me out when you look at me like that, you know.”

Renjun’s gaze faltered just slightly when he saw you bring the flowers up to cover your mouth, his hands quickly grasping your wrists.

“Wait,” he breathed, “okay, just... stay like this.”

Before you could even react, he’d taken the photo of you, examining it in his gallery before giving you a nod, a soft smile playing at his lips.

“Thanks a lot,” was all he said, leaving you to set the bundle of flowers back onto the desk elsewhere, your mind spinning with thoughts about why exactly the idea of him painting you made you feel so shy, or why his voice seemed so enchanting to you, or just why his proximity seemed to make your heart rate pick up even though he’d been close to you many times before.

And just like that, it was as if nothing happened. You went back to your desk, trying your best to focus on your notes even though your attention had constantly wandered over to what Renjun was doing, watching him already start to sketch the photo onto the canvas.

“Are those the new brushes you bought?” you asked, even though you were sure you’d asked him that already when he’d taken them out a few hours ago.

Renjun smiled, nodding as he continued to let his pencil move across the wooden canvas.

You shook your head, holding your notes up in front of your face to shield Renjun from your view, reminding yourself that now was the time for you to be studying and not to be looking at Renjun, no matter how curious you were to see how his painting would turn out.

Renjun on the other hand, had continued to work on the painting, letting his thoughts wander as he painted. He wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with you, but there was a strange feeling in the pit of his chest when he painted, as if he were feeling extra responsible for how the painting would turn out, wanting nothing more than for it to accurately capture what he saw in the photo.

_What he saw?_ That was what was bothering him. As the pinks and oranges and browns and greens had slowly brought the sketch to life, the curve of your nose and the shape of your eyes, the shadows that gave an almost hidden quality to the photo, Renjun could almost laugh at the sudden memory that had popped into his head.

_“What do you think, hyuck?” He recalled Jeno asking when they were all discussing what Renjun would be like in love, the said boy humming as he stared Renjun down, looking deep in thought._

_“I think.... He’ll probably love them as much as he loves his art... if not more.”_

Looking at the painting, he could almost laugh. _You or his art?_

Call him crazy, but Renjun figured right now, he could almost remember what it was like to fall in love with art, the feeling he’d gotten when he messed around with paints, the calm he felt when he was left to explore with the colours on his own, the way no matter how many times he went back to it, he only seemed to find more things to like about it, more things to learn from it.

Glancing over at you momentarily, the way your eyes were scrunched shut and your hands held your notebook tightly in your lap, your lips murmuring undecipherable phrases every so often or singing songs you’d made to help you memorise content, Renjun swore he’d felt it, that same feeling of excitement as he blended colours, that same calm that came with security, how everytime he was with you, he only seemed to find more things to be enamoured of, more things to learn from.

He looked back at his oil painting. _You or his art?_  
  
He shook his head, he figured he shouldn’t be comparing the two. Both were consistent, both had filled him with a giddy happiness, both were absolutely _lovely_ to him.

He could almost hear Jeno’s voice ringing in his head, that same phrase of ‘ _just say you’re boring and go_ ’.

Renjun smiled, If that was what made him _boring_ , he was more than fine with that.

===  
  
The day of Renjun’s art show, you hadn’t met him in the morning.

It’d been a tough day for you in school, from not being able to match the class’ pace to just feeling not like yourself in general, you were hoping that you could get some sort of Renjun-cheer-up today, completely forgetting that today was the senior art show until you’d received a text from him saying that they’d already started to set up.

Rushing to get home and shower, put on presentable clothes (you figured you had enough time, the show would start at six anyway) and proceed to squeeze yourself in between the peak hour crowds on public transport just to get to the (very badly located) showroom, you’d walked briskly to the hall, following Renjun’s instructions and finding yourself in the lobby, a confused sound leaving your lips.

Jeno looked up from his phone when he heard your disappointed sound, tilting his head at you with an amused pout.

“Renjun’s friend?” he called out, not being able to help but giggle at your wide-eyed reaction.

“Yeah... where is he, by the way?”

“He’s inside... somewhere. Probably talking to one of the teachers,” Jeno shrugged, not seeming to care much for the art show.

“You’re not going in?” you frowned, making him lift his eyebrows, shaking his head at you.

“Went in already. Almost everyone’s left, you know. The show started at five.”

You let out a sound of confusion, whipping your phone out quickly to check Renjun’s text message, letting out a loud groan of frustration when you re-read it, the ‘ **5:00pm** ’ practically glaring at you.

“Shit, this whole time I kept thinking it was six,” you huffed, a hand going up to comb through your hair, “why’s everyone leaving so early anyway?”

Jeno’s eyes were nothing but amused, “It’s not early... people don’t usually stay long for these sorts of things.”

“Anyway, you should probably get in there soon. Pretty sure he’s waiting for you.”

You sighed, nodding and waving him off quickly, not waiting for him to bid you goodbye as you jogged into the hall.

Scanning the room quickly, you spotted Renjun just as Jeno had predicted, currently in conversation with one of the teachers, talking about one of his paintings.

Making your way over to where he was, your heart had skipped when you saw the painting they were talking about, the painting of you with the hydrangeas glaringly obvious from how they were standing.

“Renjun,” you murmured hesitantly, wincing when his teacher had turned, eyes widening in realisation as they’d glanced at the painting, then back to you.

“Oh, hey,” he gave you a wide grin, his eyes turning to crescents and a small nervous giggle leaving him.

The teacher simply settled for smiling at you, “Alright, I’ll uh... leave you two alone.”

You could almost wince at his tone, fiddling with your hands behind your back as Renjun took a step towards you, only now seeming to notice that you were busy staring at his paintings.

“Do you uh... what do you think?” he asked.  
  
You huffed.

“It’s... it’s really beautiful,” you murmured, “you know, all of them.”

Renjun scrunched his nose up, a sheepish smile on his face, “I’ll take it you’re not just saying that because you’re my uh... _friend_.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He shrugged, choosing not to respond to that.

“Do you wanna uh... see the other students’ work?”

You nodded, letting him guide you around the exhibition hall. Expecting him to be his usual self making conversation with you, you noticed right off the bat how quiet he was being today of all days, wondering if his teacher had said something unpleasant to him before you arrived.

Though a part of you couldn’t help a strange sour feeling from inside of you out of fear that you had done something to upset him, or maybe he was upset that you were late. The feeling had only heightened when you’d caught him avoiding your gaze when you talked.

“Didn’t expect it to be so empty,” you offered as casually as you could, not being able to stomach the uncomfortable silence that fell between the both of you.

Renjun let out a small huff, “... yeah,” he murmured, directing his gaze elsewhere as you continued to walk through the exhibit.

Knowing that this was very much unlike Renjun (or at least, the Renjun you had come to know), but still feeling hesitant to call him out on it because I mean, this is Renjun you’re talking about.

You settled for brushing his behaviour off, choosing to distract yourself with the sound of Renjun’s fancy shoes clicking against the concrete floors of the exhibition room, wondering just when he would decide to break the silence, or when you should choose to take the initiative to do so first.

So absorbed in your own sour feelings, you didn’t even realise he was calling your name once another group of students had left the exhibit, leading the both of you into a room with various beanbags on the floor for visitors to sit on and look up at a simulated sky full of stars.

“This isn’t part of our school’s exhibit, it’s another in-house thing that I wanted to show you.”

You could almost laugh, that probably being the longest sentence he’s spoken to you in the entire time you’d been here.

“Wanna sit?” Renjun looked at you expectantly, already walking backwards slowly towards one of the beanbags.

Nodding quickly, you followed him and sat yourself down next to him, wincing slightly at the audible thump followed by the slow rustling of the beads that echoed in the room when you sat.

You could hear Renjun sigh next to you, leaning back so he was practically lying on the beanbag, lost in the way the stars in the room had looked so real, almost making him forget how anxious he was for a moment.

“So are we just gonna....sit here?”

You turned to Renjun but closed your mouth quickly when you saw that he was already looking at you, a dazed, unreadable expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, a soft sigh leaving his lips yet again. Was he stressed? You realised he sighed a lot whenever he was stressed. Though this time, you weren’t exactly sure if you could pinpoint just what was stressing him out so much.

“Huh?”

You frowned, confused as to why he was apologising to you.

The sour feeling that had temporarily subsided only doubled now, and you thought of all the possible scenarios this could result in.

“Remember how I said I wanted to focus on my work? You know... and like, not get involved in romantic relationships?” he began, something about his tone sending your mind reeling to the _worst-case scenario._

You could almost imagine where this was going, something about the scenario you had in mind making your heart sink.

“I just need to...get this off my chest before I send the wrong mess—”

“No, no! Don’t say it, you don’t have to say it! It’s okay, I get it, I know what you’re gonna say and I really think this will end a lot better if you don’t say it!” You clamped your hands over your ears, furrowing your eyebrows and pulling your lips into a frown.

Renjun’s serious expression quickly turned to an amused one, his eyes widening in surprise before he tilted his head at you, a small hum leaving him. You weren’t sure whether to be happy about his change in demeanour or not, was he that happy to be sending you into a panic?

Shaking his head, a tiny huff leaving him, Renjun reached his hands over to gently peel yours away from your ears.

Clasping your wrists in his hands gently, he stopped himself from laughing as he continued. “You... _don’t_ want me to tell you I like you?”

Your eyes widened, unsure if your selective hearing had gotten the better of you, the way your lips parted in shock prompting Renjun to repeat himself.

“You...” you furrowed your eyebrows, not seeming to find anything about this situation to be what you were initially expecting, “you what?”

Renjun rolled his eyes, although they held no menace to them, “Thought you knew what I was gonna say, huh?”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you, you know. It’s kind of... what I brought you here for.”

Renjun let go of your hands quickly, suddenly hyper aware of your proximity as he shifted in an attempt to increase the distance between the both of you, hoping to make you feel more comfortable with how tense you were,wincing when he realised shifting on the beanbag had only caused you to slide down the beanbag, now coming knee to knee with him.

“...Oh,” was all you could muster, your flustered state getting the better of you, “I uh... what happened to wanting to focus on your art? I thought you said you’d uh... you know, ‘ _rather not’_ ?”

Renjun scoffed at himself, realising he was hopeless from the beginning.

“I really didn’t see it coming, I did want to focus on my art and all, and school and stuff. But I guess like... the more time I spent with you the more I realised I was just really... done for.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, swatting at him, seeming to have regained some of your confidence, “You really scared me, you know? You looked so stressed you started making me think about all these different ways to make you feel better when I didn’t even know what you were so stressed about,” you scoffed.

Renjun leaned forward, burying his head in his hands and muffling his speech slightly, “... I know, I’m sorry. I feel like an idiot too. I had all these things I wanted to talk to you about or things I wanted to tell you about the other students’ work and even how I would tell you this but I ended up... not... talking to you at all.”

Renjun brought one hand away from his face to grasp the back of his neck, moving both hands back to cover his mouth in embarrassment and you watched as his eyes turned to slight crescents as he laughed.

“Maybe you were right about me thinking too much.”

You looked away, unable to help the smile from your face as you leaned back against the beanbag, staring at the star display (with a lot more ease and peace in your heart now).

“What made you change your mind?” you dared to ask, Renjun not having to ask to know what you were referring to.

He shrugged, “Thought like, I don’t know. Maybe your mom was onto something when she said that thing about youth.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, “Was she now?”

Rolling his eyes at you, Renjun nodded nonetheless, your breath hitching when you’d felt his hand start to fiddle with your hand over your stomach, pressing the pads of his fingers against yours.

“Uh-huh,” he sighed, “kind of realised that I don’t wanna spend my... _youth_ overthinking everything, to the point where I overthink my feelings as well—”

“Well, when you think about it you kind of did that just now.”

Shooting you a glare, he continued, “Yeah, yeah, fine, I did. But i’m trying, okay? I just... figured there were some things I didn’t want to miss out on. I mean, sure, focusing on one thing at a time would’ve been better for me but...”

He glanced at you, thumb rubbing the back of your hand soothingly.

“Why should I? When I know very well what i’d be giving up if I chose to do that.”

Maybe it was your panic from how confident he was, or maybe it was the way your stomach was doing flips at how he played with your hands, you had one instinctive reaction and that was to, well, deflect.

“How did you know I would like you back?”

Renjun’s eyebrows lifted in question, “You just kind of answered that question for yourself, didn’t you?”

Shutting your mouth quickly, you diverted your gaze, pulling your hand away from his as he laughed, letting himself flop onto his back on the beanbag again.

“I _didn’t_ know, that’s the thing,” he told you, “but I wasn’t afraid of what you would say or anything... I just figured it’d be better to get rejected trying than to have not tried at all.”

You couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s... different.”

He nodded, “Different, but good... guess your way of thinking rubbed off on me a little.”

And just like that, it was like Renjun’s calm and composed facade had melted just like that, a tint of pink rising on his cheeks as he tried to suppress his smile.

Turning his head to look at you, he let out a loud sigh, his sleepy gazing interrupted by the abrupt ringing of his phone, the pop ballad echoing throughout the room.

Renjun was unfazed, however, simply ignoring the ringing, waiting for the call to drop.  
  
“Shouldn’t you get that?” you asked, laughing at the way he grimaced, shaking his head profusely.

“It’s probably the _DNYL_ guys again,” he huffed, shifting his body so his head was resting on his bicep as he faced you.

You frowned, “You never did tell me what that stood for.”

Renjun shrugged, waving a hand in dismissal, “It’s really nothing, just this ‘ _Don’t Need Your Love_ ’ support group that Harvey created.”

“So you’re in the club if you don’t need love?” you asked, trying not to tense up with the way Renjun had taken your hand in his, interlocking your fingers and playing with them just like before.

Renjun shrugged, making a face of disdain, embarrassed at having to explain the reasoning behind the group.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Well then I guess you wouldn’t really need it anymore, right?” you dared to murmur, your nose scrunching in disbelief that you’d even say that.

Renjun pressed his lips together in a poor attempt to stifle his smile.

“Guess not. But the club never really did much anyway. It’s more of an excuse to gossip and play phone games.”

You laughed, “Didn’t know you cared about school gossip.”  
  
“What? Surprised I hear stuff from the rumor mill too?”  
  
You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, given how boring you make your life seem.”  
  
Renjun shook his head, a soft smile on his face as he looked at you.  
  
“If _this_ is boring, I’m more than happy with that.”


End file.
